I don't want to be emotional, clumsy and sensitive. I don't want to be practical, poised and heartless.
I don't want to be materialistic nor do I want to be non materialistic.
I don't want to care too much and I don't want to be aloof.
I don't want to love too much and I don't want to be a loner for life.
I don't want to laugh too loud or get excited about silly things.
I don't want to be miss Mona Lisa smile and I don't want to be too sophisticated.
I don't want to have opinions too strong, I don't want to be diplomatic all the time.
I don't want to cry about things that hurt and I don't want to be strong all the time.
I don't want to be an open book and I don't want to be a difficult person.
I don't want to be extreme about things and I don't want to be completely detached.
I don't want to be rigid to change and I don't want to be fickle.
I don't want to be stubborn and I don't want to be influenced too easily.
I don't want to have expectations and I don't want to be devalue what I deserve.
I don't want to be selfish and I don't want to be too giving for my own good.
I don't want to be anything too little or too much. I don't want to be anything too right or too wrong.
Because it doesn't matter if you know your flaws. It doesn't matter that the ones who love you, know your flaws and "still love you for all of them cause they are a part of you". Cause all these cheesy sweet cliches are for the good times. You will always be blamed for what you lack. Even by the ones who love you. It's insanely pessimistic and brutal but it's true all the same.
And hence, I want to be perfect.
Though even perfection isn't perfect.
I want to be the "perfect" perfect. So next time, no one can say that this happened because you did that. That this happened because you never do so and so. That this happened because I'm not perfect.
I want to stop being me. I want to be perfect.
Sigh
