Irrationality

Logic and belief,
Sense and sensitivity,
Emotions and sensibility,
Options and choices,
Hard work and failure,
Odds and Success.

To be better than you,
Or to compete with myself?

Rationality
It is the the set order of things. It is what makes sense. It is to have a plan. It is what has been tried and tested. It is cliched and it's genius. It's the obvious thing to do. It has a reason to all questions questioning it. It is a calculated calculation. It is defined and definite.

Irrationality
It is unpredictability. It is what upsets the known pattern of things. It is the stupid thing to do. It doesn't have the answer to the question of "Why?" It is the unknown, the unsettling, the unsafe.

It is what boggles the mind. It is what forces you to think. It is what moves you to push against everything, no matter what the odds.

It is your gut feeling. It is "just knowing". It is making that split second decision. It is taking a chance when you know you haven't got any.

It is taking that dirt road and befriending a stranger. It is doing things on whim. It is going that extra mile. It is doubt and uncertainty.

It is to be in the moment. It is to go with the flow. It is to be careless. It is to be carefree. It is to let go.

It is waiting when you know that there's nothing to wait for. It is staying when you know there isn't a point. It is taking the fall even when there is no one holding a safety net.

It is the miracle where there wasn't any hope. It is believing a sweet lie when you know it isn't the truth. It is loving without limit and reason. It is hurting without complaint.

It is giving in to depths whose bottom you cannot see. It is feeling things that leave you numb, bursting, and breathless. It is to let yourself break, to be made again.

It is to be vulnerable. It is to be afraid.

Irrationality... It is to trust. It is to have faith. It is to believe. It is to venture into the unknown. It is not knowing. It is to do things that could go horribly wrong and turn out just right. It is to understand in silence and to communicate with eyes. It is to love and to forgive. It is opening yourself to feelings that can tear you apart. It is that feeling of "not feeling right". It is that feeling of "something's wrong".
It is to wait for the right moment and it is to be instinctive. It is to push yourself, and discover extremes you didn't know you had. It is that emotion that words can't explain and it is to give in to the passion that will leave you gasping!
It is everything unreasonable, everything beautiful, everything illogical, everything brave, everything that is a mistake and everything that is miraculous.

Irrationality.
It is everything natural. It is everything human.

OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this; my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?"

- Lily Erikson

How I Met Your Mother

Down the Deserted Road...

I began to walk down the road less taken, wondering if the cool calm could somehow douse the flames that burned my insides. I felt numb, yet I felt the pain- tearing, clawing at my heart, like a monster; shredding it into a thousand pieces so I couldn’t put it back together.

I wanted to give in, I wanted to retract into an empty shell, and emerge only when I could feel no more.

I kept moving on, yet asking myself if I ever could. I heard something rattle inside, and realized it was my own broken soul.

I wanted to scream, to let someone know I was dying, but my voice, too, had deserted me. Lonesome, I walked on the lonely road; I felt my vision blur. Thinking, this was the end, I welcomed it. Then something wet slid from my eyes to my cheeks. And the illusion of the end was shattered with another wave of anguish.

I collapsed in a heap, and more tears came. My body shook with gasps, I heard more rattling, as though everything inside me was broken, and was screaming to get out of the hell my body now was.

Blurred images flashed before me. Memories I cherished, whisked pass. I tried to hold on to them, afraid to let go, to forget what little I had left. But the monster feasted on my agony, still wanting more.

I lay there, shuddering and gasping until I was truly numb. I felt nothing. I was afraid to move, lest the rattling awoke the slumbering monster.

I wanted to think, but nothing made sense. I lay there unmoving for how long, I know not; maybe it was a few minutes, maybe hours.

My numb brain made me rise. I heard no rattling, but I felt empty. There was still that clawing unease. I felt myself moving forward, now taking in my surroundings- a desolate path, flanked on either side by trees, and at this time of the year, with yellowing leaves. It was then I realized that my pain, or my heart, which I could no longer feel, had brought me to my favourite place.

Another flashback. This time I could see more clearly. It was as though a film played. I saw myself laugh, I saw myself cry, I saw myself fall, and get back up. All the random moments from my life, yet somehow, they all made sense.

I heard a huge rumble and the light dimmed. Alarmed, I looked around, and saw there were clouds overhead. It began to rain. And I stood there, still feeling nothing, feeling empty.

Then came those memories, that I was forbidden to remember, but terrified to forget. They whirred past, yet I could see each one of them clearly. It was as though yesterday... the joy, the laughs, the moments, the feeling of eternity... everything was still fresh in my mind.

I knew pain would return and this numbness wouldn’t last. I knew I had to stop the direction of my thoughts. I did nothing. I played those moments over and over in my head till I was drenched to the skin. I realized I could feel again.

There was the hurt again, but there was also something else, an acceptance. I still wished I could turn back time, but accepted that I couldn’t. I wished things were back the way they were, but accepted that they couldn’t be. I had thought that nothing could go awry, but accepted that I had been wrong.

Through it all, I realized that I would rather suffer than the fact that it had never happened. Feeling the pain could never match the joy I had felt earlier when things were better. It wasn’t going to be easy, to get on with my life; with that large hole inside me, and the fact that thinking even about the happy times would hurt. It would be hellish. But the sheer fact that it had all existed once, had been blissfully real, would be my corner stone.

It was never going to be the same again, that, I knew. But as I saw the rain, felt the drops hitting me, drenching me, I knew that I was not weak. I knew I could get through it all. It would be hard and slow and painful, but I could.

The memories, the moments, the warmth, I would always cherish. Trying to forget them was not what I was going to try to do. I was going to wait for the time when thinking about it wouldn’t hurt any more.

The rain slowed down and the sun peeked from the clouds. Far up ahead the path, were hills. And beyond them was the most beautiful, most heavenly rainbow I had ever seen. It was very faint, but it was there all the same. I sat down, with my back against a tree and watched the rainbow, until the sun was fully out, and it disappeared.

I rose and took one last look at the serene rain washed landscape. Inexplicably, I smiled. And I knew, that nature- the rain, had helped me heal. It had helped me figure things out, things that took people a lot longer to comprehend. It had made me feel. It had made me think. And difficult as it was going to be now, life had to go on, and me, with it.

I turned my back towards my favorite place and took the first step, to go back, to cherish, to move on...

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This has to be on e of the weirdest things I've ever come up with. Inspiration... the rain- its simplicity, its charm, its beauty, its magic...