Life.
"Life is never fair"
"Life is a bitch"
"My life sucks"
"I hate my life"
"If only life was a little less complicated"
The above- at least one of which you'll hear at least once a day from someone you know or will read on a social networking site or will just overhear someone saying it.
In a world of all types of relationships (friend-turned-enemies-but-still-care, enemies-turned-friends-but-still-hold-grudges, lovers-turned-strangers-but-still-know-each-other, strangers-turned-enemies/friends/strangers..you get the gist) and expectations, where one has to get through the web of multitudes of these, every single day and make it alive through the complexity laden strands without breaking any (or even your own neck) is tiresome. Hence the life-cursing exclamations.
And though I am a person who will usually roll my eyes at them (due to my belief in life being nothing but perspective and perspective being nothing but a way of life), I'll admit it- right now? Life pretty much sucks. Separation issues, too-many-things-happening-at-once issues, rigidity-to-adapt-to-change issues, thinking-too-much issues, feeling-useless-and-flawed-and-guilty issues..that's all I can remember right now. Oh and, assignment(s) deadline issues. Laziness issues.
Right about now, the right way up seems to be evading me. Not being a person who will subject herself to all this on purpose cause ohmygod-I-have-so-many-problems and I'm-so-brave, I seriously do not understand as to WHY things are not setting themselves even close to right. Remotely. I do not like being brave and strong. It is the worst place to be in. When you're frustrated and confused and hurting, you're telling yourself, "No!! You will not do that! You will not give in to your weakness! You will sit here, composed, like a good girl. You have got to be strong, get it?" I feel like I'm addressing an extremely dimwitted version of me. Clearly, upside down is where I am.
Sorry about the digression. Anyway, so everything I do, seems to be fueling the wrong of what it should be making right! Instead of making me more detached and used to the current situation, it makes me realize the absence, even more. Or presence. Or whatever! Depending on the situation, that is. It makes no sense! Also, I've realized that there are serious problems where providing the right comfort to the life-cursers is concerned. Hence, here are some things that everyone says (to make you feel better), but which are absolutely useless.
"You know what's gone is gone and nothing can be done about it. *sympathetic stare*"
"It has made you learn something and that's what matters! *thump on the back*"
"Maybe there is something better in store! *big smile*"
How many times have we all heard that when something goes wrong? Well, let me tell you; next time someone says any of that to you... SLAP THEM RIGHT ACROSS THE FACE (doing that might make you feel better temporarily too). Because I have never seen this way of comforting help!! This is something you REALIZE with time and read in books. When someone is seeking some comfort from you, saying these things to them is just like talking to a blank wall!! It does not make them feel better! So, for heaven's sake, do not superglue these super-cliched lines. Say nothing at all, if you don't know what to say. Just DON'T say THAT.
And, if they're telling you they don't want to talk about it, MAKE THEM TALK. It's usually the girl code, but it applies to everyone who goes up to their best friend all distraught and says "It's nothing, I don't wanna talk about it". They just want you to decipher them because they are tired of trying to understand themselves. And you're smart enough to tell if they're serious about not wanting to spill the beans, too. Adapt, understand and comfort accordingly. And please be realistic. Suppose your friend just broke up and you're telling them, "Hey whatever! Look at you! You can get any guy/girl you want!". There's nothing more childish than that. Seriously. Breaking news! They want the guy/girl they just broke up with. And they are not WANTING anyone else right about now. A variation like "Look at you! He/She doesn't know what he/she has lost!" would still be better. Seriously.
Another thing, do not try to classify everything. Questions like "How can you still feel like that?" "How is that even possible?" "You are not sure about it then how can anyone be?" DO NOT HELP. They need to know it's okay to not know everything! It's okay to be confused at that point of time. Now, it's one thing to help figure things out and it's completely another to ask rhetoric questions! Because instead of helping clean up the mess, it just makes them realize just how messed up they are. What they need to know is, it's okay to be messed up sometimes.
So..yeah. Just some thing you should keep in mind when someone comes to you wanting to mope for a while. There are variations and exceptions to all of the above, but you gotta rely on your own presence of mind to figure that. See, there are tonnes of self help books out there to move on in life or adapt to something or even get over something like death and depression! But there is no prescribed remedy for everyone. Everyone is different..in context of the relationships they have with people, how they think, how they perceive life, how they deal with hurt, how they deal with happiness; the works. And hence, there's a different way to each person.
So, the next time someone who is being evaded by the right way up comes to you, don't stick to what you've told someone else in a similar situation. Simply because it's a different person here. Respect that, and make sure you let it show. 'Cause even if you just let them know that it's okay for life to be upside down even when they're doing everything right sometimes, it'll bring them one small step closer to the right way up.
