Some time back, I was listening to a Taylor Swift song and said something along the lines of, "She can make good music but she just comes across as a grumpy, lovesick puppy. All her songs are about the same thing." Then recently, I realized something about myself- more often than not, most of the things that I write are influenced by one thing that matters to me above all else too- love. I don't mean the kind of love you share with your life partner, but all sorts of love. The love that you have for your mother, your brother, your dog, your friend, your lover; love in all its colours and shades, that comes with as much baggage as it does with beauty, love that we all crave for, the attachment that we revel in and hate, love with its intense, bright, rosy haze and with its dark, piercing, passionate pain.
With that, I came to realize one thing that is as stupid as it is amazing. We, as people and as humans, have ONE ability (among others, of course) that sets us apart; that is, the ability to over rule and overpower instinct. 'Always trust your instinct', it is said. But then sometimes, even though we know exactly how a situation is going to turn out, we choose to stay. Instinct tells you to leave, to survive, to look out for yourself. When we make a conscious decision to ignore that instinct and still see something through- THAT moment defines us.
Having studied a powerful perspective of how we as humans are self-centred creatures and how that is the basis of the "system" that we live in, the relationships we build, the things we do- it is somehow heartening to think of the fact that we have a free agency of our own. Something above the "I, me, myself", something deep inside that speaks to our humanity, that tells us to stop and stay and for once look past ourselves.
What unfolds after these moments are the experiences that transform our outlooks, that change our perspectives and that reinstate or shake our beliefs. "Live like everyday is your last", they say. A friend of mine told me, "That's why bucket lists become important when you are about to die." Once the peace with Inevitability is made, things become much easier and much harder. Easier, because it is not very far that you have to look for the things you have been wanting to change, the things that you have been wanting to do. Harder, because even though you give something all that you can, and with the knowledge of inevitability and the determination of still giving it all you can comes..hope.
You would think that you have done away with it. You know exactly how something will turn out and you have made peace with it. So you would expect that hope figures nowhere in the scenario, right? But nope. There are two things that will make you despair like nothing else will- hope and helplessness. You would think that the two are conflicting emotions- but since we as humans are as irrational in our actions and desires as we try to make ourselves believe we are rational in our heads- we are very much capable of feeling both at the same time. Hope creeps in, like smoke through a crack. Even a little bit is enough to taint the air.
What we see, then, is through a glass sheet that is clear as can be, through which we see exactly how it is going to end. But hope makes it seem like a kaleidoscope, where the images are vivid and open to interpretation. With these conflicts, emotions and contradictions, we as humans, choose to stay. We choose to stay for compassion, for what we believe in, for humanity. For we can be bigger than ourselves. For we the irrational hope that creeps in. For we are capable of being shaped by more than just what we want. For we are capable of accepting and going through with endings that are not happy.
We choose to stay for love.
"It's in the eyes of the children
As they leave for the very first time
And it's in the heart of the soldier
As he takes the bullet on the front line
It's in the face of the mother
As she takes the force of the blow
And it's in the hands of the father
As he works his fingers to the bone
...
This is why we do it
This is worth the pain
This is why we fall down
And get back up again
This is where the heart lies
This is from above
Love is this, this is love"
- This=Love, The Script