Thursday, April 24, 2014

A Way of Life

I started,
Not to familiarize myself with you,
Not to get too close,
Not to make you my habit,
But you became a way of life.

I began,
To grow and learn,
To crash and burn,
To live and laugh,
To struggle and cry,
But I did not think you would be
A way of life.

I did not think
Every pothole down the road
All of the cracks in the dingy walls
The crass cries of unruly people
Would come to me
Clear as reality
When I closed my eyes.

I never anticipated
That those stifling classrooms
The untimely detours
The long hours of eloquent words
And men long gone
Would kindle
Nostalgia
Sadness
Longing

All the bitterness
All the regrets
All the questions
All the doubts
And all the sweetness
All the exceptions
All the trial
Became a part of me

I did not believe
That it would hurt
Like this

I thought I had succeeded
I thought I had not let you..this seep in
That I had kept you out
I thought I could be unattached
Free of your charm
Of your ugly, beautiful, bizarre magic
But you cast a spell
Made me a fly in your silver web

And now it is gone
Flown away
Taken with it
All its monotone
All its chains
All its shabbiness
All its highlights
All its beauty

I snapped my fingers
And I was back,
Back to the start
And I thought
I will do things differently,
This time around
I will be stronger
I will not bow
I will not crash and burn

I was wrong

I did it all my way,
And yet,
Our paths still crossed,
Like two comets on a collision course
That collision
Became my way of life.