Echoes

A train of thought...

How one thing leads to another, how one visual, one sound, one hazy memory, will remind you of something completely unrelated or something that is just remotely related... All happening within a span of a few moments.

It is all in your head.

"All of life is an act of letting go."
Sometimes a sense of loss is not all that comes with the loss. It does not just happen outside, materially; but it takes away with itself a part of you and taints the rest that is left. It leaves you numb and slightly delusional.

It will not hit you until one fine day, you train of thought is on a completely different tract and out of the blue, it is hit; hit so hard that it is completely derailed. Where it was headed for does not even matter, for now it is lying in pieces, fire burning it to ashes- fire that is unexplained and unexpected. It does not matter where the blow came from. The shards of that broken train cutting and pinching drown it all out. The fire is physically constricting. It feels like it is squeezing, compressing your lungs so you can not get enough air in.

You would scream, wouldn't you? But it is all inside your head. It is real, but it is all in your head. It never shows, apart from a contorted face and blinded eyes somewhere in a suffocating, lonely solitude.

Then, once you are past that, or used to that, when you are just beginning to want, to try to pick yourself up, you realize how tainted, how grey your world has become. How there are always echoes, misty shadows lurking here and there. They are in your dreams, in your consciousness, in the dark corners and even right in front of you. You attempt to suppress them, cut them out of your vision; only to realize, they have just become a part of you. All these tainted echoes are a part of your memory, of your every day life; incomplete and yet strangely colourful and hazy in their bursting flashes.

Your very identity will always be coloured by them. They come in all shades of sepia, bordering on grey. They sound familiar, with an unfamiliar high pitched or whispered quality. They seem far away, long gone, but they are always so tantalizingly close. Wispy and yet, vivid.

There is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing wrong with the world. They are just monochromatic echoes that are splashed in bright colours. It is alright if they follow you around or appear out of nowhere. Everything is perfectly normal.

It is all in your head.

August 21- Just one of those days

Just one of those days when you feel like everything that happened today, has happened before. Maybe it has, on one of these days a while ago, Did it? One of those days, when the pattern and order of things is familiar, that just means something; and despite all the randomness, there feels a connection to the past and to the future which makes the present how it is. One of those days when I am just thinking about what this means, that this is too familiar to be coincidental, or if this means something at all.

One of those days when I am trying to write something small and inconsequential before the clock strikes midnight, marking the next day, just so I can preserve the feeling that has been there all of today. One of those days when there's nothing to express really, just a feeling of familiarity, of emptiness, of questions unanswered and of wishful thinking.

One of those days when I am just thinking about things past and the things that are to come. One of those days when I am thinking about today, wondering if all this thinking and brooding is just a waste of time, or does it actually mean something. Maybe it will mean something in the future.

There are times when I will or just do something or not do something, thinking that maybe, just maybe I will have a chance of retelling it in the future, maybe then it will have some value and it will actually make sense to someone. It is sort of like, setting up a fixed deposit in the bank. You won't be able to use the money but it will reap returns some time down the line.

But what if, say, the bank gets robbed? Or there's a change of plans and you have to withdraw that cash. Then all that was for nothing. So, what if doing all those things is some silly teenager-ish exercise? What if it is something that I will look back on in the future and laugh about? What if I had just spent that cash instead of saving it?

What if.

Two words that can probably drive you insane. Any which way, it's not like I can help it. Some you learn, some you grow, some you change, and some of you still stays. So I will continue to think and do these things and continue to wonder if they will mean something in the future. Will they mean something to me or to someone else? Maybe they won't, to anyone. I couldn't tell, no matter how hard I tried.

You know how they say that there are some parts of our life that are written in sand, and so they are washed away easily by the ocean, and there are parts written on stone, that we always remember, always carry with us and they stay for life? They may be people, memories, advice, lessons we learn..anything. Here's the thing- when you are writing these parts, or living them (or whatever), you don't know whether they will make it to the stone or if they are just part of the sand that the ocean washes away after a while. 'Cause even the part on the sand stays until the next wave, the only thing that is different is the time between the waves that wash it away.

So maybe, I will never really know my sand and stone until I become a part of the ocean itself. Time has the ability to distort and strengthen anything and everything. Yet, there are things that time has no effect upon. You can never tell which is which, unless there's a situation where you know that today is your last day and you can actually analyse every aspect of your life and that's when you can be like, "AHA! I have answers to every one of my life's questions now". Sadly, that doesn't happen.

This is such a random piece of writing. But it had to come out somewhere and somehow, 'cause maybe, just maybe this day will mean something. Maybe it has meant something. Maybe this is stone and maybe this sand. Maybe today would become the one day instead of being one more where I thought a lot and wrote things that didn't make sense. I don't know. I wouldn't know right now.

One day at a time, is all I can really do.

This is the first write up that's going to go up completely unedited, completely impromptu, completely honest. Just one of those days.

Irrationality

Logic and belief,
Sense and sensitivity,
Emotions and sensibility,
Options and choices,
Hard work and failure,
Odds and Success.

To be better than you,
Or to compete with myself?

Rationality
It is the the set order of things. It is what makes sense. It is to have a plan. It is what has been tried and tested. It is cliched and it's genius. It's the obvious thing to do. It has a reason to all questions questioning it. It is a calculated calculation. It is defined and definite.

Irrationality
It is unpredictability. It is what upsets the known pattern of things. It is the stupid thing to do. It doesn't have the answer to the question of "Why?" It is the unknown, the unsettling, the unsafe.

It is what boggles the mind. It is what forces you to think. It is what moves you to push against everything, no matter what the odds.

It is your gut feeling. It is "just knowing". It is making that split second decision. It is taking a chance when you know you haven't got any.

It is taking that dirt road and befriending a stranger. It is doing things on whim. It is going that extra mile. It is doubt and uncertainty.

It is to be in the moment. It is to go with the flow. It is to be careless. It is to be carefree. It is to let go.

It is waiting when you know that there's nothing to wait for. It is staying when you know there isn't a point. It is taking the fall even when there is no one holding a safety net.

It is the miracle where there wasn't any hope. It is believing a sweet lie when you know it isn't the truth. It is loving without limit and reason. It is hurting without complaint.

It is giving in to depths whose bottom you cannot see. It is feeling things that leave you numb, bursting, and breathless. It is to let yourself break, to be made again.

It is to be vulnerable. It is to be afraid.

Irrationality... It is to trust. It is to have faith. It is to believe. It is to venture into the unknown. It is not knowing. It is to do things that could go horribly wrong and turn out just right. It is to understand in silence and to communicate with eyes. It is to love and to forgive. It is opening yourself to feelings that can tear you apart. It is that feeling of "not feeling right". It is that feeling of "something's wrong".
It is to wait for the right moment and it is to be instinctive. It is to push yourself, and discover extremes you didn't know you had. It is that emotion that words can't explain and it is to give in to the passion that will leave you gasping!
It is everything unreasonable, everything beautiful, everything illogical, everything brave, everything that is a mistake and everything that is miraculous.

Irrationality.
It is everything natural. It is everything human.

OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this; my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?"

- Lily Erikson

How I Met Your Mother

Colors

An untouched textbook,
Youtube,
Flipping the lights
On and off.

Glances at a watch
And
Page 248.

A change
In sound.
Drums
Guitar
Violin
Piano
Changing
Way too quickly.

Words like,
"Stay"
"Feel"
"Time"
"Go"
"Moment"
"Wish"
"Skyline"
"World"
Music.

Mirror,
Clothes,
Heels,
Glitter.

Dancing
For no reason.

Another old dress,
Yellow light,
Another song.
Aching feet,
In the middle
Of the night.

Hair-
Curly,
Wet,
Braided,
Wavy,
All at once.

Pause,
Stop,
Think,
Of nothing.

Memory-
Laughter
Tears
Surprises
Growing up
Inevitabilities.

Shake your head,
Shake them thoughts,
Jumble them up,
Let them stay.

Colors

A textbook,
Face down.
Glanced at,
But
Unattended.

Unexplained giggling,
Another song
Words,
"Come and go"
"Understand".

Shake your head
Flyaway hair,
All over
Your face.

Fall back,
Like a child
Stare at the fan,
Mesmerised.

Eyes closed wide
Glassy,
Seeing,
And unseeing,
Colors
Around,
And inside.

"We're leaving things unsaid 
We sing ourselves to sleep
Watching the day lie down instead
And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead"
- Unsaid, The Fray

Upside down

Life.
"Life is never fair"
"Life is a bitch"
"My life sucks"
"I hate my life"
"If only life was a little less complicated"
The above- at least one of which you'll hear at least once a day from someone you know or will read on a social networking site or will just overhear someone saying it.

In a world of all types of relationships (friend-turned-enemies-but-still-care, enemies-turned-friends-but-still-hold-grudges, lovers-turned-strangers-but-still-know-each-other, strangers-turned-enemies/friends/strangers..you get the gist) and expectations, where one has to get through the web of multitudes of these, every single day and make it alive through the complexity laden strands without breaking any (or even your own neck) is tiresome. Hence the life-cursing exclamations.

And though I am a person who will usually roll my eyes at them (due to my belief in life being nothing but perspective and perspective being nothing but a way of life), I'll admit it- right now? Life pretty much sucks. Separation issues, too-many-things-happening-at-once issues, rigidity-to-adapt-to-change issues, thinking-too-much issues, feeling-useless-and-flawed-and-guilty issues..that's all I can remember right now. Oh and, assignment(s) deadline issues. Laziness issues.

Right about now, the right way up seems to be evading me. Not being a person who will subject herself to all this on purpose cause ohmygod-I-have-so-many-problems and I'm-so-brave, I seriously do not understand as to WHY things are not setting themselves even close to right. Remotely. I do not like being brave and strong. It is the worst place to be in. When you're frustrated and confused and hurting, you're telling yourself, "No!! You will not do that! You will not give in to your weakness! You will sit here, composed, like a good girl. You have got to be strong, get it?" I feel like I'm addressing an extremely dimwitted version of me. Clearly, upside down is where I am.

Sorry about the digression. Anyway, so everything I do, seems to be fueling the wrong of what it should be making right! Instead of making me more detached and used to the current situation, it makes me realize the absence, even more. Or presence. Or whatever! Depending on the situation, that is. It makes no sense! Also, I've realized that there are serious problems where providing the right comfort to the life-cursers is concerned. Hence, here are some things that everyone says (to make you feel better), but which are absolutely useless.

"You know what's gone is gone and nothing can be done about it. *sympathetic stare*"
"It has made you learn something and that's what matters! *thump on the back*"
"Maybe there is something better in store! *big smile*"
How many times have we all heard that when something goes wrong? Well, let me tell you;  next time someone says any of that to you... SLAP THEM RIGHT ACROSS THE FACE (doing that might make you feel better temporarily too). Because I have never seen this way of comforting help!! This is something you REALIZE with time and read in books. When someone is seeking some comfort from you, saying these things to them is just like talking to a blank wall!! It does not make them feel better! So, for heaven's sake, do not superglue these super-cliched lines. Say nothing at all, if you don't know what to say. Just DON'T say THAT.

And, if they're telling you they don't want to talk about it, MAKE THEM TALK. It's usually the girl code, but it applies to everyone who goes up to their best friend all distraught and says "It's nothing, I don't wanna talk about it". They just want you to decipher them because they are tired of trying to understand themselves. And you're smart enough to tell if they're serious about not wanting to spill the beans, too. Adapt, understand and comfort accordingly. And please be realistic. Suppose your friend just broke up and you're telling them, "Hey whatever! Look at you! You can get any guy/girl you want!". There's nothing more childish than that. Seriously. Breaking news! They want the guy/girl they just broke up with. And they are not WANTING anyone else right about now. A variation like "Look at you! He/She doesn't know what he/she has lost!" would still be better. Seriously.

Another thing, do not try to classify everything. Questions like "How can you still feel like that?" "How is that even possible?" "You are not sure about it then how can anyone be?" DO NOT HELP. They need to know it's okay to not know everything! It's okay to be confused at that point of time. Now, it's one thing to help figure things out and it's completely another to ask rhetoric questions! Because instead of helping clean up the mess, it just makes them realize just how messed up they are. What they need to know is, it's okay to be messed up sometimes.

So..yeah. Just some thing you should keep in mind when someone comes to you wanting to mope for a while. There are variations and exceptions to all of the above, but you gotta rely on your own presence of mind to figure that. See, there are tonnes of self help books out there to move on in life or adapt to something or even get over something like death and depression! But there is no prescribed remedy for everyone. Everyone is different..in context of the relationships they have with people, how they think, how they perceive life, how they deal with hurt, how they deal with happiness; the works. And hence, there's a different way to each person.

So, the next time someone who is being evaded by the right way up comes to you, don't stick to what you've told someone else in a similar situation. Simply because it's a different person here. Respect that, and make sure you let it show. 'Cause even if you just let them know that it's okay for life to be upside down even when they're doing everything right sometimes, it'll bring them one small step closer to the right way up.

This is going to make no sense once I calm down.

I don't want to be emotional, clumsy and sensitive. I don't want to be practical, poised and heartless.

I don't want to be materialistic nor do I want to be non materialistic. 

I don't want to care too much and I don't want to be aloof. 

I don't want to love too much and I don't want to be a loner for life. 

I don't want to laugh too loud or get excited about silly things. 

I don't want to be miss Mona Lisa smile and I don't want to be too sophisticated. 

I don't want to have opinions too strong, I don't want to be diplomatic all the time. 

I don't want to cry about things that hurt and I don't want to be strong all the time. 

I don't want to be an open book and I don't want to be a difficult person.

I don't want to be extreme about things and I don't want to be completely detached.

I don't want to be rigid to change and I don't want to be fickle.

I don't want to be stubborn and I don't want to be influenced too easily.

I don't want to have expectations and I don't want to be devalue what I deserve.

I don't want to be selfish and I don't want to be too giving for my own good.

I don't want to be anything too little or too much. I don't want to be anything too right or too wrong.

Because it doesn't matter if you know your flaws. It doesn't matter that the ones who love you, know your flaws and "still love you for all of them cause they are a part of you". Cause all these cheesy sweet cliches are for the good times. You will always be blamed for what you lack. Even by the ones who love you. It's insanely pessimistic and brutal but it's true all the same. 

And hence, I want to be perfect. 

Though even perfection isn't perfect. 

I want to be the "perfect" perfect. So next time, no one can say that this happened because you did that. That this happened because you never do so and so. That this happened because I'm not perfect. 

I want to stop being me. I want to be perfect.

Sigh

When the Playlist is on Shuffle

"So I'm trying to put it right

'Cause I want to love you with my heart

All this trying has made me tight

And I don't know even where to start"

...

"Drinking our cheap bottles of wine,

Sitting talking, up all night,

Saying things, we haven't for a while

A while, yeah"

...

"Thoughts read unspoken,

Forever and now

The pieces and memories,

Fall to the ground 

I know what I did, 

And how so 

I won't let this go 

'Cause it's true,

I am nothing 

Without you" 

Music and rhythm

Lyrics and words,

They are

All you. 

Every line is a memory

Every note is an emotion

Every beat is my heart

With yours

All of it

Is you.

"Still setting two plates 

On the counter,

But eating without you"

All the habits,

Everything done,

Without thinking

Now make me

Do the same.

Music

Poems

Chocolates

Perfume

Coffee

Sunlight

Rain

Autumn leaves

Everything beautiful to me

Mirrors you.

"Cause if one day you wake up

And find that you're missing me,

And your heart starts to wonder

Where on this earth I can be,

Thinking maybe you'll come back here

To the place that we'd meet,

And you'd see me waiting for you,

On the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving,

I'm not moving."

Stubborn

With a blindness

Fearing

A loss

Living

In a place

Where I'm dreaming

Holding on

To nothing

Or maybe

Just not giving up

On something

Invisible

To me.

"In the middle of September,

We still play out in the rain

Nothing to lose,

But everything to gain,

Reflecting now

On how things could've been,

It was worth it in the end"

Silence and laughter

Happiness and tears

Sight and speechlessness

Sound and beauty

Learning and understanding

Living in and falling out 

Confronting and escaping 

Constant and Changing 

Seen 

Felt 

Done 

It all. 

"If I could change the currents of our lives 

To make the river flow where it's run dry 

To be a prodigal of fallen time 

Then I 

Would see you tonight 

If I could find the years that went away, 

Destroying all the cruelty of fate, 

I must believe that love could find a way 

Tonight" 

Wondering, 

Thinking, 

Wishing, 

And knowing. 

And smiling, 

Still 

For reality, 

For beauty, 

For hope, 

For love. 

"Looking back, it was worth it all

All the promise and all the pain

No there’s not one thing I would change

Now that it’s gone, all there is to say-

Thanks for taking my breath away"

Looking out for 

Something 

Down the broken road 

Somewhere 

I can't see, 

Yet. 

"We're smiling 

But we're close to tears, 

Even after all these years

We just now got the feeling 

That we're meeting 

For the first time" 

I'm glad animals aren't humans

This goes for all the animal lovers.

Isn't there something very endearing about animals? Pet owners will be able to relate with their pets, wildlife workers to what they are working for and animal lovers in general will agree. There is something so utterly uncomplicated and simple about them that you will not find in people. 

Me? Well. I've never had pets, but I've always wanted to. But I did make do with the strays we usually ignore on the streets. The filthy, diseased, savage, uncivilized creatures. Yeah that's the general conception of more people than you think. Even some people who would otherwise like dogs/animals. Yeah I've mixed around with them, literally bringing up litters of stray puppies; not forgetting the older ones around of course.

Why am I suddenly talking about all this? Because my kid brother and I just had a whole discussion about having a pet and dogs in general. He has wanted one for a while and so have I ever since I've been old enough to make sense of the word "dog". No, I'm not harping or exaggerating. Seriously.

It is just so EASY to love an animal. They expect nothing but a little love and care. And they don't even "expect" expect it. They have an innocence and primitiveness that's so hard to find as you grow up- in yourself and in the people around you. The kind that.. makes you smile for no reason. They are children at heart no matter how much they grow up, and they are your best friends even when they are children.

Now. People? Well, we are the most intelligent and advanced species on the planet, though we may be the young ones taking into account the Earth years. But we're so COMPLICATED! There's emotions, expectations, obligations, grudges, I-can't-explain, it's-complicated, I-can't-do-this-anymore, How-could-you-do-that, love, hate, more-than-love, less-than-hate! And all this is IN ADDITION to all the instincts and needs that we have as creatures. 

Animals? They're simple. And in that simplicity, they aren't devoid of their own pain and feeling and happiness. No, it's not just pets and domesticated animals that I am talking about here. There have been people who have had close relationships with lions and tigers, with dolphins and killer whales, with pandas and bears. About these- they are never exactly advisable or safe because everything said and done, these animals are BASIC. Driven by instinct. And they have a wilder streak than the usual pets. But the fact remains that they are just as capable of bonding.

Now this is something very typical to me and I don't know if it's crazy. :|

There is SOMETHING about me and the non-human species (read, animals). There is something that I feel when I am with a dog, a cat, a rabbit or even a mouse (yeah I've held and played with all of them) that no person has ever been able to give me, and I doubt they will. There is a sense of peace and pure untainted joy and content just lighting up my insides. And I may be distraught over something but when there's an animal to play with, watch, hold or pet, nothing matters. Absolutely nothing.

And this isn't just limited to the usual pets that are there. Animal Planet has always been a favourite. I bet most people haven't even heard of Jeff Corvin, Attenborough. Steve Irwin is still heard of. And taking from them, I've always wanted to interact and know more about the wilder animals. Specially animal behaviour. But let's not get technical here

Here's something even crazier. When I grow up, if I can, I want to have an Asiatic lion, a Bengal tiger, a panda, a cat (who would, preferably, look like Garfield), two big dogs, and white mouse with pink eyes (they DO have pink eyes!). Everyone says I should go live in a zoo and there have been times I have actually considered it. Yeah, OKAY! I get it. You're scandalized. 

All of these are inspired by something.
The Asiatic lion- by this movie I saw- of a couple taking in an injured

cub and take care of it and then release it into the wild. Time passes and one day they go to visit him, wary of the fact that he might attack them. What the lion did was, he reared on two legs and hugged the man, so to say. Yeah I got a lump in my throat.

The Bengal tiger- I remember seeing this on Animal Planet. A man who actually had Bengal tigers and him playing with them and bathing with them. They behaved like playful cats.. only they were huge. But it was so cute!

The panda- They're just so CUDDLY! And they seem so docile and there's something about the way they eat. Sitting up and chewing the leaves. Holding it in their round, furry fists. Don't you just feel like running into their laps and hugging their round, fuzzy tummies?! And yeah I loved Kung fu Panda too.

The two big dogs- Well. I have wanted a dog BADLY and since I have had none of my own.. wait, that's not completely true. The strays I brought up, fed and played with everyday WERE my own. But I want to have my "own" own. And I want two. And two big dogs. And yes I cry at the end of every dog movie. sigh.

The cat- Cause they're so mysterious. And curious. And I am curious too. And I want to prove that cats and dogs aren't necessarily mortal enemies. and Garfield was so AWESOME.

The white mouse- This, one of my relatives had one. Yeah he had pink eyes and he was so beautiful! Like a little white ball with pink eyes and a pink tail. So small that he'd fit into your hand and then he'll play and crawl in your lap and at some uncomfortable places too. But hey you gotta be careful with a pet that small! It ain't really his fault.

Sometimes I really feel that I'd be happier around them animals. But that wouldn't be completely true. Everyone needs a little thinkering once in a while. And for that, sadly, you need HUMANS. you can't run away from your own kind, man.

Eh.. I'd probably just be able to get two dogs at most but there's no harm thinking about it right?

But I'm glad animals aren't people.
Relief.

Thinking Back and Forth

So. It's been a while. Three years or so? Yeah. It's funny I still remember this blog. So I've decided to come back to writing. 'Cause this head needs some dumping and cleaning. 

Life's changed a lot. Looking at the previous posts, I come out to be a sadly emo person. I dunno about that. But life happens. And I'm three years older now. Not to mention, legally an adult. 

Speaking of which, what's the big deal about being eighteen? Sure you can vote and drive and you're an ADULT. Agreed that sounds big and important and grown-up but, what exactly is the whole fuss about? 

You get out of the cage, only to realize a little while later that it was HOME. You meet new people, you're out in the world, and then you realize that you're on your own. You have lesser restrictions and more freedom but then you miss the fussing sometimes. Yeah. I'm talking about moving out and into college. 

College is just starting to become fun. The initial half was so uneventful, it felt mechanical. I thought, hell, is THIS what they go gaga about?” Oh my god, COLLEGE!”? Sorely disappointing. 

But now that I can actually feel and accept the difference between school and college, and the smaller city and the larger one, my past life and the present one.. yeah! I am actually starting to warm up to it. I know more people than I did in the beginning, but I'm closer to even fewer, which actually feels nice. A bunch of crazy, dramatic humans I call friends. And yeah, it's now that I can REALLY mean it when I say we're friends.

In the last six months, there is so much that I have learnt. And about myself, no less. A few observations.

• That i'm really rigid towards change- which isn't convenient, because it's the only constant thing in life.
• That I tend to get too attached without realizing it, be it places, people or just THINGS that have meant something- which means I am bad at letting things go, even though I may have accepted them.
• That I'm clingy.
• That stuff that would usually have hit someone right in the head, hits me slowly and hits me later. Impacting no less though. Which has.. both pros and cons.
• That I miss home. Like a lot. And contrary to most people, I felt homesick after a while (read, a few months) of living here and not immediately. And I still do.
• That I'm not actually as open minded as I thought- and I have some very strong opinions about certain things. Which before college, I thought I didn't. 
• That it's fun (and important) to hang out with friends. :D Not that I didn't before.. but there's just something that's different. And it always turns out to be fun- even if you have ten jobs to do or you are absolutely jobless.
• That you can ALWAYS get better at being a friend, no matter how good you are.
• That you HAVE to let go of things when they are just not meant to stay. No matter how much you believed that they always will. That includes people. It's a very difficult acceptance, but just as important.
• That fear can give you wings, but it can also make you blind. And it’s not very pleasant when you realize you’ve been a fool who thought she was blind just until she opened her eyes.
• That you often take YOURSELF for granted, which is basically not very smart, given that you change with every new thing life shows you.

That I have actually grown in ways small and big.

And that I just made a LIST. a BULLETED one no less. About my thinkies. Yeah that's the stuff I come up with. Sigh.

So. Yeah. That's about it for now. My head feels lighter already.

And I shall try to be regular this time in my posts. No, REALLY. I will.