Thinking Back and Forth

So. It's been a while. Three years or so? Yeah. It's funny I still remember this blog. So I've decided to come back to writing. 'Cause this head needs some dumping and cleaning. 

Life's changed a lot. Looking at the previous posts, I come out to be a sadly emo person. I dunno about that. But life happens. And I'm three years older now. Not to mention, legally an adult. 

Speaking of which, what's the big deal about being eighteen? Sure you can vote and drive and you're an ADULT. Agreed that sounds big and important and grown-up but, what exactly is the whole fuss about? 

You get out of the cage, only to realize a little while later that it was HOME. You meet new people, you're out in the world, and then you realize that you're on your own. You have lesser restrictions and more freedom but then you miss the fussing sometimes. Yeah. I'm talking about moving out and into college. 

College is just starting to become fun. The initial half was so uneventful, it felt mechanical. I thought, hell, is THIS what they go gaga about?” Oh my god, COLLEGE!”? Sorely disappointing. 

But now that I can actually feel and accept the difference between school and college, and the smaller city and the larger one, my past life and the present one.. yeah! I am actually starting to warm up to it. I know more people than I did in the beginning, but I'm closer to even fewer, which actually feels nice. A bunch of crazy, dramatic humans I call friends. And yeah, it's now that I can REALLY mean it when I say we're friends.

In the last six months, there is so much that I have learnt. And about myself, no less. A few observations.

• That i'm really rigid towards change- which isn't convenient, because it's the only constant thing in life.
• That I tend to get too attached without realizing it, be it places, people or just THINGS that have meant something- which means I am bad at letting things go, even though I may have accepted them.
• That I'm clingy.
• That stuff that would usually have hit someone right in the head, hits me slowly and hits me later. Impacting no less though. Which has.. both pros and cons.
• That I miss home. Like a lot. And contrary to most people, I felt homesick after a while (read, a few months) of living here and not immediately. And I still do.
• That I'm not actually as open minded as I thought- and I have some very strong opinions about certain things. Which before college, I thought I didn't. 
• That it's fun (and important) to hang out with friends. :D Not that I didn't before.. but there's just something that's different. And it always turns out to be fun- even if you have ten jobs to do or you are absolutely jobless.
• That you can ALWAYS get better at being a friend, no matter how good you are.
• That you HAVE to let go of things when they are just not meant to stay. No matter how much you believed that they always will. That includes people. It's a very difficult acceptance, but just as important.
• That fear can give you wings, but it can also make you blind. And it’s not very pleasant when you realize you’ve been a fool who thought she was blind just until she opened her eyes.
• That you often take YOURSELF for granted, which is basically not very smart, given that you change with every new thing life shows you.

That I have actually grown in ways small and big.

And that I just made a LIST. a BULLETED one no less. About my thinkies. Yeah that's the stuff I come up with. Sigh.

So. Yeah. That's about it for now. My head feels lighter already.

And I shall try to be regular this time in my posts. No, REALLY. I will.