In Transit

You took my hand and led me to a place that no one knew but you. You let me make it my own. We saw the sky turn red, then grey and then we saw it get inked with reflections of lights that twinkled in the dark. We saw silhouettes of hills and try to demystify the secrets they held. Amidst blinking city lights, chilling wind and goosebumps, we laughed, we sang and then descended into a comfortable and comforting silence.  

How do you make sense of a state of mind which is in a state of recovery and rediscovery? 

A mind that is constantly in a sense of awe at the plethora of novelty that it is opening to, yet struggling to step out of a mold that it has been used to for an eternity in terms of numbers but only a few pages of life in terms of how it feels now? 

Blacks and whites are two ends of a spectrum but ones that hardly exist in life. Shades of grey are what color most of reality.

Memories find their way back to your vision at the most unexpected of times; but they feel alien - like they happened to someone else. Why? Maybe because she seems like a different person to you in hindsight. To her, you are a different person too. What changed so much and so quickly? Maybe the place, maybe the people, maybe the time. Definitely, you.

"Try and try till you succeed," they said. They never told you where to stop. And then, you tried life and it tried you. Did you lose yourself along the way? Or were you just in the process of finding yourself again?

To put it into words is a struggle in itself because so is making up your mind about it. "IT"? This whole journey from there to here and from here to so many other places and then back - each time adding some and taking some. 

Wearing, tearing, cutting, bending, breaking and molding all of all of your mind. 

Little by little, bits and parts of it everyday, making you question everything.

Covering, uncovering and recovering layers of things unknown, little known and known. 

Are we not always in some transition? Maybe sometimes more than others; like when big changes happen, or when little things change life in big ways. Somehow, we are always searching for something - love, hope, closure, excitement, satisfaction, ecstasy... always wanting, always something. 

And then, why not? Is life not too short to not keep striving for more? Is there not such little time and so much to experience? Are our hearts not too small to love the infinite number of things there are to love? Are our bodies not too superficial to feel the true warmth of a smile, the blissful comfort of a hug, the intense intimacy of touch, the innocent sight of a playful puppy and the tinkling sound of heartfelt laughter? 

But then, how much can you absorb at once, at a given point in time, in a lifetime? Will it not take a toll - this endless struggle for more, to know more, learn more and not go insane? Maybe that is why we shut our hearts and minds to certain pasts and presents and then we have certain futures, some of which we refuse to imagine but which happen anyway. 

Somewhere in all this madness and swirling thoughts in an overactive mind, there are moments of blissful peace, when we fall in love with all the chaos, where we somehow find music in noise, where we learn to see beauty in the jumble of hues that color our visions. 

Maybe that is the beauty of being in transit, because ultimately, is it not just a journey?